Yesterday was my mother's birthday. She would have been 49 years old. I couldn't make myself get on facebook yesterday knowing it would have her name under birthdays. I thought of her all day long, no matter what i was doing. I kept thinking of what we would have been doing on that day if she were still here. And when I imagined it, it seemed more like a memory than a fantasy. I could picture the whole day as if we already lived it. I could see us at the cabin and the alabama game on. With me, Deborah, mom, and the babies piled up in the bedroom watching tv and talking and laughing. We would have cooked a big meal and went for a walk at sunset. I can see her smiling and probably saying something silly and us just kind of looking at her like..huh? And then her realizing it and just laughing at herself.
She was just so full of life. She was constantly smiling and especially on days when her whole family was together. We always just had so much fun when we were with her. She brought everything together and brought joy to us. You never had a dull moment when you were around her.
I just want to wish my mother a happy 49th birthday! Life will never be the same without her. There will always be an emptiness in our lives now. I know it will get easier with time (or at least that's what "they" say) but I don't think we will every fully accept the loss of our amazing, beautiful, and joyful mother.
Happy Birthday Mama! I love you!
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