The holidays are bittersweet this year. It is definitely not the same without Mama. I feel selfish because I am wanting them to hurry and get over with, but I know it's not fair to take the traditions from my son so I am trying to be strong and give him a wonderful Christmas. I feel like breaking down and giving up everyday, but then I look at my son and hear him tell me what Santa is bringing him or see him light up when he looks at the tree and for a moment he brings me joy.
God has blessed my family in so many ways and we have so much to be thankful for and I know my Mother would want us to reflect on that and not on sadness. But sometimes it is just hard not to. She enjoyed this time of year so much. She brought so much happiness to us with her smile and just the brightness around her. She enjoyed giving, and would be going crazy buying for Connor and Klarah. I am just thankful for all the wonderful Christmas memories we have and the traditions she has instored in us to pass on to our children.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Happy 49th birthday to my mother.
Yesterday was my mother's birthday. She would have been 49 years old. I couldn't make myself get on facebook yesterday knowing it would have her name under birthdays. I thought of her all day long, no matter what i was doing. I kept thinking of what we would have been doing on that day if she were still here. And when I imagined it, it seemed more like a memory than a fantasy. I could picture the whole day as if we already lived it. I could see us at the cabin and the alabama game on. With me, Deborah, mom, and the babies piled up in the bedroom watching tv and talking and laughing. We would have cooked a big meal and went for a walk at sunset. I can see her smiling and probably saying something silly and us just kind of looking at her like..huh? And then her realizing it and just laughing at herself.
She was just so full of life. She was constantly smiling and especially on days when her whole family was together. We always just had so much fun when we were with her. She brought everything together and brought joy to us. You never had a dull moment when you were around her.
I just want to wish my mother a happy 49th birthday! Life will never be the same without her. There will always be an emptiness in our lives now. I know it will get easier with time (or at least that's what "they" say) but I don't think we will every fully accept the loss of our amazing, beautiful, and joyful mother.
Happy Birthday Mama! I love you!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Connor and his imaginary friend, Bobby.
So out of all the crazy things my son does, this has probably been my favorite. For a little over a month now he has been talking to "Bobby". It took us a while to catch on to what he was talking about, but now we have realized it is his imaginary friend! He tries to feed him, and he bosses him around. It is hilarious! At night time Connor says, "night, night mommy", "night, night daddy", and "night, night Bobby". He also has to give him night night kisses. But what the funniest thing is, he is jealous of "bobby". If I act like I'm giving Bobby kisses or giving him too much attention Connor gets so jealous.
My parents always talked about me as a child and having my imaginary friend, Jessica. The stories always made me laugh so hard, but now experiencing it first hand with my child it is hilarious!
Apparently Bobby likes to get on the fireplace (where Connor is not allowed) and Connor will say, "down, down, Bobby!". Connor also likes to blame things on Bobby. It is definitely entertaining around here with Connor and Bobby. They are full of energy and imagination!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Potty training.
Well Connor is learning how to potty train. It's not a very fun milestone. Please tell me mothers out there that it gets easier! It's crazy how excited you get though when they actually go to the potty. The other night me and Corey were sitting on the couch and Connor came to me saying, "tee tee mommy!" So he grabbed my hand and brought me into the bathroom and showed me that he used his potty all by his self! I was so proud of him! He is only 20 months old, so I figured we are doing pretty good.
The only part he has trouble with is forgetting to tell mommy or daddy he has to go BEFORE. Sometimes he tells us during or after, but we are working on that. I'm doing the whole "you get a treat when you potty" thing, which is helpful, but there has to be another trick! The only person I always want to ask is my mom. So maybe me and Connor will get through this together and help each other.
The only part he has trouble with is forgetting to tell mommy or daddy he has to go BEFORE. Sometimes he tells us during or after, but we are working on that. I'm doing the whole "you get a treat when you potty" thing, which is helpful, but there has to be another trick! The only person I always want to ask is my mom. So maybe me and Connor will get through this together and help each other.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
dedicated to my beautiful mother.
Well this is my first blog ever. I enjoy reading them so much i thought, why not make my own? So here it goes...no judging please. :)
When I started to think about what to write I could only think of one thing. The one thing that stays on my mind constantly--my mother.
And since I didn't speak at her service, which kills me everyday, I will dedicate my first blog to her. I want to tell you how amazing not only a person, but specifically, a mother she was.
I never imagined that I would get that phone call at the age of 20. It never crossed my mind. I thought I had many, many years to enjoy with her. I thought she would get to watch my son grow up, but God had a different plan for my family. One that I may not understand, but one that I have to accept. I battle with that everyday of my life.
I remember from the time I was about 3 or 4 I would get up and it would just be me and her and she would ask me every morning what I wanted for breakfast and my response every morning would be...biscuits and gravy. So every morning she would make me homemade gravy and biscuits. Not once did she complain about making it or try to convince me to eat something else. And she cooked me breakfast until I graduated high school.
I can't even express to all of you how much my mother taught me. She taught me how to talk, to walk, to read, to write. My mother home schooled me 1st through 8th grade and within those years she took me on field trips to the children's theater, mounville, and all different types of factories. She wanted us to experience things and learn things for ourselves. She taught me what it meant to be loyal, and trustworthy, and most importantly to forgive. My mother was a true believer in forgiving even if you weren't in the wrong. She always told us to be the bigger person because if you're angry with someone, they win because you battle with yourself. My favorite quote from her, and she told me on a daily basis was... "Those who anger you, conquer you."
I think the hardest part of grieving for me is I'm not only grieving my mother, but my best friend. We were together everyday. We enjoyed all the same things and had the same taste. I confided in her and she confided in me. We vented to each other and comforted each other. We would lay in bed at night and just talk for hours. Some nights we talked about our dreams or what we were going through at that time. Other nights we would talk about absolutely nothing, but would be laughing the whole time. Her talks were like no other. It was as if she would bring you to another place where it was only you and her. I loved hearing her tell stories because she was so descriptive in how she told them. It was as if you were actually there. She made it sound so exciting when she would change her voice for different characters or people in the story.
My mother was a kid at heart. She got excited over the smallest things. And I loved that about her. Her smile just made you feel so warm inside. The day we lost her I had the privilege of getting to spend the whole day with her. We went and ate lunch and spent the day shopping. She was planning on redecorating her house and so we were picking things out. She found a comforter and I swear it was like a little kid on Christmas day. Whenever she got excited she always would have to tickle you or pinch your ear or something. So I was getting a lot of that that day. We took separate cars that day and I distinctly remember looking at her driving down the interstate and thinking to myself how beautiful of a woman she was. She just had this poise about her that was so graceful and innocent.
When we got home that day we sat out on the front porch and talked for probably an hour. And we talked about many things that day. We talked about old memories and things we had planned to do. We acted silly and laughed. That day will stay with me for the rest of my life.
I am so thankful for the time I had with her. And I am SO thankful for God blessing me with by far the most amazing mother in the world. She was a rare person. She was a Godly person and it showed through her. I will miss her everyday of my life. I love you mama!
September 11, 1961 - July 3, 2010
When I started to think about what to write I could only think of one thing. The one thing that stays on my mind constantly--my mother.
And since I didn't speak at her service, which kills me everyday, I will dedicate my first blog to her. I want to tell you how amazing not only a person, but specifically, a mother she was.
I never imagined that I would get that phone call at the age of 20. It never crossed my mind. I thought I had many, many years to enjoy with her. I thought she would get to watch my son grow up, but God had a different plan for my family. One that I may not understand, but one that I have to accept. I battle with that everyday of my life.
I remember from the time I was about 3 or 4 I would get up and it would just be me and her and she would ask me every morning what I wanted for breakfast and my response every morning would be...biscuits and gravy. So every morning she would make me homemade gravy and biscuits. Not once did she complain about making it or try to convince me to eat something else. And she cooked me breakfast until I graduated high school.
I can't even express to all of you how much my mother taught me. She taught me how to talk, to walk, to read, to write. My mother home schooled me 1st through 8th grade and within those years she took me on field trips to the children's theater, mounville, and all different types of factories. She wanted us to experience things and learn things for ourselves. She taught me what it meant to be loyal, and trustworthy, and most importantly to forgive. My mother was a true believer in forgiving even if you weren't in the wrong. She always told us to be the bigger person because if you're angry with someone, they win because you battle with yourself. My favorite quote from her, and she told me on a daily basis was... "Those who anger you, conquer you."
I think the hardest part of grieving for me is I'm not only grieving my mother, but my best friend. We were together everyday. We enjoyed all the same things and had the same taste. I confided in her and she confided in me. We vented to each other and comforted each other. We would lay in bed at night and just talk for hours. Some nights we talked about our dreams or what we were going through at that time. Other nights we would talk about absolutely nothing, but would be laughing the whole time. Her talks were like no other. It was as if she would bring you to another place where it was only you and her. I loved hearing her tell stories because she was so descriptive in how she told them. It was as if you were actually there. She made it sound so exciting when she would change her voice for different characters or people in the story.
My mother was a kid at heart. She got excited over the smallest things. And I loved that about her. Her smile just made you feel so warm inside. The day we lost her I had the privilege of getting to spend the whole day with her. We went and ate lunch and spent the day shopping. She was planning on redecorating her house and so we were picking things out. She found a comforter and I swear it was like a little kid on Christmas day. Whenever she got excited she always would have to tickle you or pinch your ear or something. So I was getting a lot of that that day. We took separate cars that day and I distinctly remember looking at her driving down the interstate and thinking to myself how beautiful of a woman she was. She just had this poise about her that was so graceful and innocent.
When we got home that day we sat out on the front porch and talked for probably an hour. And we talked about many things that day. We talked about old memories and things we had planned to do. We acted silly and laughed. That day will stay with me for the rest of my life.
I am so thankful for the time I had with her. And I am SO thankful for God blessing me with by far the most amazing mother in the world. She was a rare person. She was a Godly person and it showed through her. I will miss her everyday of my life. I love you mama!
September 11, 1961 - July 3, 2010
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