Well this is my first blog ever. I enjoy reading them so much i thought, why not make my own? So here it goes...no judging please. :)
When I started to think about what to write I could only think of one thing. The one thing that stays on my mind constantly--my mother.
And since I didn't speak at her service, which kills me everyday, I will dedicate my first blog to her. I want to tell you how amazing not only a person, but specifically, a mother she was.
I never imagined that I would get that phone call at the age of 20. It never crossed my mind. I thought I had many, many years to enjoy with her. I thought she would get to watch my son grow up, but God had a different plan for my family. One that I may not understand, but one that I have to accept. I battle with that everyday of my life.
I remember from the time I was about 3 or 4 I would get up and it would just be me and her and she would ask me every morning what I wanted for breakfast and my response every morning would be...biscuits and gravy. So every morning she would make me homemade gravy and biscuits. Not once did she complain about making it or try to convince me to eat something else. And she cooked me breakfast until I graduated high school.
I can't even express to all of you how much my mother taught me. She taught me how to talk, to walk, to read, to write. My mother home schooled me 1st through 8th grade and within those years she took me on field trips to the children's theater, mounville, and all different types of factories. She wanted us to experience things and learn things for ourselves. She taught me what it meant to be loyal, and trustworthy, and most importantly to forgive. My mother was a true believer in forgiving even if you weren't in the wrong. She always told us to be the bigger person because if you're angry with someone, they win because you battle with yourself. My favorite quote from her, and she told me on a daily basis was... "Those who anger you, conquer you."
I think the hardest part of grieving for me is I'm not only grieving my mother, but my best friend. We were together everyday. We enjoyed all the same things and had the same taste. I confided in her and she confided in me. We vented to each other and comforted each other. We would lay in bed at night and just talk for hours. Some nights we talked about our dreams or what we were going through at that time. Other nights we would talk about absolutely nothing, but would be laughing the whole time. Her talks were like no other. It was as if she would bring you to another place where it was only you and her. I loved hearing her tell stories because she was so descriptive in how she told them. It was as if you were actually there. She made it sound so exciting when she would change her voice for different characters or people in the story.
My mother was a kid at heart. She got excited over the smallest things. And I loved that about her. Her smile just made you feel so warm inside. The day we lost her I had the privilege of getting to spend the whole day with her. We went and ate lunch and spent the day shopping. She was planning on redecorating her house and so we were picking things out. She found a comforter and I swear it was like a little kid on Christmas day. Whenever she got excited she always would have to tickle you or pinch your ear or something. So I was getting a lot of that that day. We took separate cars that day and I distinctly remember looking at her driving down the interstate and thinking to myself how beautiful of a woman she was. She just had this poise about her that was so graceful and innocent.
When we got home that day we sat out on the front porch and talked for probably an hour. And we talked about many things that day. We talked about old memories and things we had planned to do. We acted silly and laughed. That day will stay with me for the rest of my life.
I am so thankful for the time I had with her. And I am SO thankful for God blessing me with by far the most amazing mother in the world. She was a rare person. She was a Godly person and it showed through her. I will miss her everyday of my life. I love you mama!
September 11, 1961 - July 3, 2010
